


Lost Healing

by Ælfflæd (MurderRose)



Series: Corona Drabbles [5]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alpha Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Omega Yoon Jeonghan, Stillbirth, Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23296615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MurderRose/pseuds/%C3%86lffl%C3%A6d
Summary: Parents shouldn't lose their children before they get to know them.Parents shouldn't lose their children before they get them.Parents shouldn't lose their children.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: Corona Drabbles [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674001
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	Lost Healing

**Author's Note:**

> Another day another title generator.
> 
> I'd like to start with an apology. I'm sorry. According to @wish_us_luck, you need tissues.
> 
> Characters are not mine, this is fiction.

Seungcheol didn’t understand how Jeonghan seemed so unaffected. He went into work every day as if nothing had happened, while Seungcheol could hardly get out of bed in the mornings. Work was so hard, everyone treated him like he was made of glass and it seemed so pointless. What was the point in working, earning money, when they had nobody to spend it on?

He’d started seeing a therapist, and he kept saying that it was okay to feel like this, that it was normal, that it was perfectly fine to feel like there was no point to life, he said that it would pass, it wouldn’t leave, it would never leave, but it would get easier to deal with daily.

His therapist also said that how Jeonghan was handling it was his way of dealing with it. There was no right way to deal with grief. No wrong way to grieve. Tears helped, sure, but for some people they just needed to keep busy, and process things that way.

He was insistent on the fact that Seungcheol shouldn’t blame Jeonghan. It wasn’t his fault. Sometimes things just happened, and there was nothing anybody could do to stop them. Blaming each other wouldn’t help anything, and they needed each other now more than ever.

So it was fair to say that when Seungcheol came home from work to see Jeonghan huddled on the floor, a cup of tea clutched in his hands, tears streaming down his face, and the scent of grief permeating the room; he was shocked.

“Hannie?” Seungcheol closed the door softly and dropped his bag on the rack.

Jeonghan looked up at him, and Seungcheol’s heart broke. He looked so so so lost.

Seungcheol crossed the room quickly, sitting down beside him and wrapping an arm around him. “It’s ok,” he started to soothe, reaching for some sort of comfort. 

Jeonghan shook his head, sending the tea threatening to spill over, “it’s not okay! It’s not ok Seungcheol.”

“It’s okay to cry baby,” Seungcheol tightened his arm around him and rescued the tea with the other.

“I carried her for six months, Seungcheol, six months,” Jeonghan sobbed brokenly and Seungcheol just held him tighter, resting his cheek on Jeonghan’s head, tears falling down into his hair, their shared grief all he could smell.

Seeing Jeonghan cry loosened something in Seungcheol, something he hadn’t realised was even tight. Seeing his husband just as affected as him made the whole situation a little more bearable. He could only imagine how he was feeling, when they went in for the six month scan to see no heartbeat, Jeonghan had just shut down. Seungcheol supposed that there was no other way to get yourself through a stillbirth. But he hadn’t turned back on, he’d just been on autopilot ever since. Seungcheol tightened his arm around Jeonghan and Jeonghan squeaked.

“Seungcheol, you’re-” Jeonghan peered up at him, and then lifted himself up into his lap, wrapping his arms around him. “I’m sorry I’ve been so distant-”

“No baby, don’t apologise, everyone copes differently-” Seungcheol whispered, hugging him back.

“We should be dealing with this as a couple, I’m sorry,” Jeonghan tucked his head into Seungcheol’s neck, just breathing in his scent, having cried himself out.

  
  


“I keep hearing a baby cry,” Seungcheol whispered and Jeonghan petted his hair. “I keep looking, and then remembering and crying, all the time.”

  
  


“My arms hurt, I need to hold her, I want to feel her, smell her, know her.”

  
  


“I miss her so much.”

  
  


“I feel so useless-”

“It’s not your fault Hannie, it’s not-”

“Useless omega.”

“No, Hannie, Jeonghan you’re not, I swear to you you’re not useless, if you’re a useless omega, then I’m a useless alpha ‘cause I couldn’t save her.”

“You’re not useless Cheollie!”

“Then you aren’t either.”

Jeonghan hummed at that and burrowed closer into him.

  
  


“I miss her and I didn’t even know her.”

  
  
  


They’d be … not okay, it would never be okay. Children shouldn’t die before their parents. Dams shouldn’t have to give birth to dead children. But they’d heal a little. They’d never stop thinking about her, about who she would have become, about what she would have liked. She’d always be with them, and that would have to be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Let me know what you thought in the comments below!
> 
> Rose x
> 
> [Come talk to me on Twitter](https://twitter.com/RoseEnDiamant)


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